TC Season 4, Episode 1 Elimination Challenge

Round 2: FIGHT!

So, they put Rocco DiSpirito and Anthony Bourdain at the same judges' table and no one died? I'm kinda impressed.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It's morning in the Top Chef kitchen (I think, but it's not like you can tell) and Padma is waiting by a blank chalkboard as the chefs come in to the usual "Elimination Challenge Announcement" music, and incidentally, while I love the opening credits and would never change that song, could they at least vary the episodic music a little, maybe, huh? Well, I suppose it does serve as a useful cue. If you're not watching. Which I am. So...

Anyhow.

The contestants on the winning team are instructed to draw knives, and I fear it's going to be a team challenge, but thankfully, they've actually chosen to do something cool: a head-to-head challenge. The winners pick from the losers' pool in the order of the numbers on their knives. The loser picks a dish from the board (more on that in a moment). They both cook their interpretation of it. And out of each pair, one person is safe, and the other could potentially go home.

Nice. Very nice.

So, the list is eight "classic" dishes: lasagna, duck a la orange [sic], crab cakes, chicken piccata, eggs benedict, steak au poivre, shrimp scampi, soufflé.

Me and all 16 chefs immediately think (and, in one case, articulate): OMGWTFSOUFFLÉYOUBASTARDS???

I go on to think: what the hell is chicken piccata? Steak au poivre, should I know what that is? Oh, hell, what are the ingredients in shrimp scampi... I would be so dead in this challenge.

Then I remember that no force on this Earth could get me to participate in a cookoff with a serious time limit, and so it doesn't matter.

Richard picks first, and chooses Andrew, who immediately reminds us that Richard BLEEPED him in the Quickfire (I'd pay extra to see that) and so obviously it's fate, balls-to-balls, whatever. Andrew picks crab cakes, one of the two things on the list I'd be completely comfortable making, which is probably a good sign it's one of the two easiest dishes.

Mark picks Stephanie, looking like he's thinking "I have no idea, I'm just trying to remember someone's name"; she picks duck a l'orange. I probably could fake this, but it's definitely not the easiest choice left on the board.

Then they started going too fast for me to follow the order. I got the pairs sorted out later but not who picked first (though I remember who picked last, hehe). So, our other matchups are:

Jennifer vs Nikki: Lasagna. The other dish I'd identify as easy, though to be fair, it's actually not that hard to screw up lasagna. On the other hand, compared to some of the other dishes...

Antonia vs Nimma: Shrimp Scampi. I can't do this one without a recipe handy, myself, but then, I'm not a professional.

Spike vs Lisa: Eggs Benedict. This one I consider tricky, not so much for the other ingredients, but because of having to make a good hollandaise sauce. That latter bit would kill me, and if the sauce isn't good, the dish isn't right, so it's kinda important.

Dale vs Manuel: Steak au poivre, which it turns out I do know, only when I've eaten it it's been "peppercorn steak". I could probably manage a decent one, but it's not a gimme by any means.

Ryan vs Valerie: Chicken picatta. Seriously, I honestly had no clue what this was until I looked it up... and then realized I'd had it, and just forgotten the name, probably because there are about 1000 dishes named "Chicken Something-A". Anyhow, I obviously would've failed on this since I didn't know what was in it (unless I could ask someone or copy off my lab partner's test).

And that leaves soufflé, which Erik and Zoi are stuck with. Now, though some people might feel it's exaggerated to note that soufflé will fall if you just look at it funny, it really is tricky to work with, and if on top of that you haven't made one in about a million years, well... all I can say is that I'm sympathetic, and even the judges were sympathetic.

My first note on cooking is, and I quote: "Nimma, you cannot marinate in a solid. Therefore you cannot marinate something 'in' parsley." I presume she meant "with" parsley. Maybe with some "amazing" olive oil, I don't know.

Ryan was clearly, from the get-go, trying way too hard and over-thinking. He seemed to recognize it later in private interviews. Maybe.

Nikki, of course, has to remind us she's Italian and therefore she has to make fresh pasta dough. She says this as if she's discussing making something terribly intricate that no one else has ever done. I am not really taking to Nikki, can you tell?

Mark gets best line of the episode: "No, we just say 'orange', mate." Heh. Despite this, he's working on a deconstructed dish, so I think he knows what he's doing, at least in theory.

Erik and Zoi are both very happy their soufflés are rising. Heck, Zoi seems as happy about her rival's soufflé as her own. I smile fondly at both of them. (And seriously, what sadist included that one? I mean... oh, never mind.)

Nimma is wandering around muttering about her flan not setting. I write after this note "go home". She decides to turn it into a "nice cauliflower scramble". I boggle at this juxtaposition of terms.

Richard... Richard has a minismoker. Heh, heh, heh, mad scientist. He gets one of the better sound bytes with: "I want some people to be like 'What the [beep] did that guy just do?'" I love him immensely for this attitude, because it seems so different than the whole "Molecular gastronomy is better than you all and you shall worship it" vibe we may have seen in the past.

Food and judgement time!

Mark and Stephanie present their duck sorta orange. Mark's uses dashi-steeped enoki, squash puree, roasted duck with tangerine and soy, and something he calls a saketini. I... um. Well, indvidually they sound interesting (except the saketini) but I'm not sure what he's doing exactly. Neither are the judges. Stephanie has seared duck with miatake mushrooms, bok choy, a duck leg spring roll, and a reduction sauce with orange glaze. The judges like this far better; Bourdain actually compliments her and then repeats it, which she's amazed and relieved at. Stephanie is safe, Mark is on the losers' list.

Andrew and Richard present their crab cakes. Andrew tries to explain how he left in a big lump in the middle, and the image this brings up isn't pleasant. Also, what the heck is cilantro basil 'pudding'? I'm not objecting to the cilantro-basil part, just the pudding part. Richard does something involving apples and brussel sprouts and mustard, which I'm sorry but that sounds hideous, and has his smoke flavor. The judges like his dish better.

Andrew then runs his mouth, with a few bleeps for fun's sake. Richard says he never wants to cook a crab cake again. I don't know why; they're yummy. Well, my way. Maybe not his.

Nikki: says something about sheep's milk gouda, which is about all I catch. The judges think her fresh pasta is superb. I... sure, okay. Jennifer says she went northern Italian with autumn veggies and a bunch of other stuff... it sounds fairly good until the judges mention that the rutabaga (and maybe some other things) are undercooked, and I wonder how she managed that in a baked dish. Anyhow, Nikki wins, I think probably deservedly so, even if I don't like her and she immediately scores a Buzzword Bingo point when she says she "put her heart into it", and also, keep your organs out of the dinner, okay?

Antonia's shrimp scampi merits multiple "mmm"s from Rocco, and possibly from other judges. Nimma talks about her parsley butter and her cauliflower scramble. I think Antonia was winning no matter what, but Nimma apparently oversalted to the point of disgust, so that clinches it.

At this point, I note that Bourdain seems to be acting awfully nicely compared to usual. No worries, there's still some snark in him.

'Spike' and Lisa present their eggs benedict, and all I caught was that Spike's had bacon and mushrooms and Lisa may have used challa bread. Bourdain asks his fellow judges to decide the issue based on which is the better hangover dish, and I laugh because I've heard people claim that Eggs Benedict is a great hangover dish and I've always thought that was so weird... but anyhow, Lisa wins, but only just.

Dale's steak au poivre involves parsley puree and bok choy. Manuel's involves mushroom ceviche, scallions, and cilantro, because he wanted to incorporate Mexican flavors. Somehow, though, this turns into "Dale took chances" (presumably meaning Manuel didn't, which seems untrue) so he comes out on top, phrasing chosen judiciously.

Ryan starts going on so fast about what's in his dish that I only catch something about cutlets, lemon-potato gnocchi (as opposed to those non-potato gnocchi, I suppose), and marscapone. I've recently looked up what's in chicken picatta and I'm pretty sure he made something else. Valerie did something with orange "instead of lemon", so at least she seems to have remembered more of what was in it, but both of them take some heat for not making picatta. Ryan has apparently committed the cardinal sin of using bread-crumbs instead of just flour and egg. Rocco wants to know where his "lovely acidic butter sauce" is in both dishes. Valerie is grudgingly accorded the winner.

Ryan immediately starts saying he hates that people will now think he's a flop, and my reaction is "Okay, you're a flop, shut up."

Erik's soufflé is savory, involving pepperjack cheese (which I typo in my notes), avocado (which I typo in my notes), creme fraiche (which I spell correctly in my notes, heh), black bean sauce, salsa... it's not a bad combo of flavors, but I think it's a bit much. Zoi does a sweet rice pudding soufflé with candied figs and fennel, and espresso on the side. Bourdain hesitates, apparently in his Nice phase, and asks almost gently if either of them have ever made soufflé before. The judges agree it's messy, concede it's a tough dish, Tom likes Zoi's flavors, they all agree neither was really good as a soufflé, Zoi wins.

Erik says "okay" when this news is delivered, and then interviews that he's not happy with himself. Thank you for not blaming the judges or the other contestants, Erik. +10 Cool Points.

At this point, I predict that either Richard or Stephanie will win, and while I was spoiled by Bravo about the loser, I would have predicted Nimma and Ryan in the bottom without knowing anything, too.

First called in: Antonia, Nikki, Richard, and Stephanie. This is clearly the winning group based on the judges' comments, and I'm pleased it includes my guesses. Tom says all four dishes were wonderful. Rocco picks Stephanie, who smiles the biggest smile I think we've ever seen on a cheftestant. Bourdain calls her dish impressive, and I wonder if they secretly made a Bourdain robot with a niceness circuit. They don't show any other comments.

The bottom group is: Ryan, Erik, Nimma, and Mark. I was honestly a little surprised about Mark.

As the chefs walk in, Rocco is looking very dispiritoed. Er. I mean, glum and disappointed.

Erik's soufflé gets the same basic comments, with some added detail. Erik says "I made glorified nachos. I'm not proud of it." +10 Cool Points. Again. I am always so happy when the chefs are willing to admit they screwed something up.

Nimma: Tom asks if her cauliflower scramble started life as a flan, and apparently agrees with me that if she can't make flan she might not have the skills to be a top chef. Nimma makes a long list of excuses, but eventually concedes she showed some bad judgement.

Bourdain calls Mark's dish "silly and pretentious" (the niceness circuit must have malfunctioned) in response to Mark explaining how he wanted to deconstruct the dish. I have to admit that Mark is not someone I would've pegged for being about the deconstructing... I think I was imagining something a bit more intuitive for him. Anyhow, they're milder on him than on Nimma.

Ryan begins trying to explain, again so fast and so much that he baffles Tom. Stop overexplaining, Ryan. Shut up. Tom brings up the breadcrumbs again, pointing out that what Ryan made was more a chicken milanese than a chicken picatta because bread crumbs are the difference. (I expect there was more to it than that, but okay.) What struck me is how Ryan was talking about reducing the starch while Tom was mentioning how bread crumbs weren't even part of the dish.... anyhow. Eventually, Ryan shut up.

Tom says, and I mostly agree, that these are classic dishes that everyone needs to know, because if you don't know what the classics are, you can't understand modern food, either.

After sending the contestants out, the judges confer.

On Ryan: Bourdain says he didn't know what was coming out of his (Ryan's) mouth, and yeah, I agree. Rocco says "Let's just say it wasn't only his gnocchi which were dense", and I suddenly wonder if Rocco and Bourdain swapped brains, or what.

The rest of the dishes seem to get badly panned, too, but to be honest, the editing was so choppy I wasn't sure about most of the specifics. They wanted to cut Erik some slack on the soufflé, all agreeing it's not an easy dish, but they didn't like his ingredient choices. Mark's dish was 'weak' and the saketini sucked.

Back in with the contestants. Tom tells Ryan that he needs to know the classics, Mark that what he made wasn't really duck a l'orange and nothing worked together, Nimma that flan is simple and it didn't work, plus too much salt, and Erik basically what they said privately, adding that he needs to know how to make a soufflé.

And... Nimma's out. And to be honest, I'm kinda glad, because she was clearly not going to last long no matter what, and considering how badly she reacts to criticism, I think she's better off not being on Top Chef. She says in her exit interview she needs to just keep studying and trying, and to that I add: learn to take criticism, because you are going to get it.

So... let's talk a moment about editing. I realize that at the start, when there's the most contestants, that it's really tough to get a bit of everyone in, but this episode seemed unusually choppy even for a first episode. The winners' table got almost zero commentary, we only saw maybe half the contestants coming in and learned almost nothing about the rest before moving to the quickfire (not even name plates on a quick shot), and... it just seemed very confusing. I do wish they'd plan better for this in the future (if there is a future, and no, not predicting, but shows do come and go)... at least give us a quick photo and name plate for everyone (maybe with home restaurant) and also give us a full list of quickfire and elimination dishes. And if they can't fit that in, then the site should have far more details about the dishes than they do, since at least in theory this is a show about cooking.

In theory this should smooth out as they have fewer people to concentrate on, though. Let's hope.