Blini is a Two Syllable Word

Top Chef Season 4, Episode 2: "Zoo Food"

Hey, non-existent readers. I wanted to do something different this week: get something up quickly with initial thoughts and a quick summary for the episode, and then do more detailed recaps after I get to watch a rerun or two to fill in details. It probably goes without saying that behind the cut, there be spoilers.


The Quickfire was kinda cool: buy food at the farmer's market and make something good, using only five ingredients total, not counting salt, pepper, sugar, or oil. That's tricky, yes, since it means it does count other herbs and spices, but that's what makes it a challenge, right?

Guest judge was "Molecular Gastronomist" (still don't like that term) Wylie Dufresne, who is basically a big geek with a lot of restaurant and food science cred. From his judging, seems like he's a nice guy.

Obviously Richard was psyched over this, so it's a shame he ends up in the bottom for a dish that's too oily and just not well put together enough. From the comments it almost sounds like Chef Wylie expected more out of him than the others and so was holding him up to slightly higher standards.

Two chefs mention something that happened with their ingredients: Mark misplaced some lettuce, and Spike didn't get what he expected, though since I saw the product and the judges ate it and didn't die, I'm guessing this is more "American lemons suck" than it is "this food is lousy". Me, I tend to not buy meat at farmer's markets so I don't know.

In any case, in Spike's case, his mentioning it works against him, as he ends up in the bottom with a comment on how he could've worked around the problem. In Mark's case, it seems to work for him, as Chef Wylie notes that he managed to work around his missing ingredient and put together a really good combination of flavors.

The dreaded Knife Block arrives, and the first person to draw is Manuel, who seems very bemused by the fact that his knife reads "Vulture". As the chefs keep drawing, we learn that they're assembling teams (bleah, team challenge already?) and the other animals mentioned are penguin, bear, and gorilla. I already knew from previews they were doing something at the Lincoln Park Zoo at some point so it's no surprise that that's where the food is going to be served: a catered party for 200 at the zoo, making dishes designed around their animals' diets.

This strikes me as really cool, and I comment the Penguin team is in an interesting position as the only team that'll be focussed on fish... it's a chance for them to really stand out. After thinking about it I realize that bears eat fish, too, though, so that might not really be as stand-out as I was thinking. Anyhow, either way, the challenge is a pretty interesting idea. Our cheftestants get a list detailing the diets of the animals and work out their dishes.

Team Gorilla is Valerie, Stephanie, and Antonia. Team Vulture is Manuel, Mark, and... Zoi? Team Penguin is Andrew, Jen, and... Lisa? Team Bear is Dale, Spike, and Nikki. (Please do not shoot me if I got something wrong there, I'll correct it in the expanded version if I did.) Edit: As in, for instance, the fact that there were 5 teams, and wow, did Bravo totally not focus on the fifth one or did I miss something? I guess Team Lion was Richard, Erik, and Ryan? Maybe? Or was Ryan somewhere good? Ugh. I need a TiVo. Or to shut up on details until I'm sure.

So you know how the other day I said Spike was starting to remind me of Johnny Fairplay? Forget "starting to". Spike is on some other reality show, trying to kick people off the island, while the rest of the chefs are just trying to cook. He's a dick. I'm not even going to talk about him anymore. He's dead to me.

Anyhow, so, they plan their menus, they shop, they cook. Somewhere along the line, Valerie mentions that she's cooking buhlee knees, which after 4 or 5 repeats I finally realize is "blinis", and I think, that's not a great thing to cook in advance. There's also some issue with Stephanie's something chip not crisping.

Meanwhile, Nikki's mushrooms have come out looking extremely unappetizing, and she's basically done exactly what I did the first couple times I made stuffed mushrooms and not given them enough moisture to cook, so that they shrivel up. There's some dissension on the team about serving them or trying to salvage them.

The other two teams seem to be doing a lot better, and it turns out Andrew actually is also a fan of Wylie Dufresne, which I would have in no way expected. Also, either they edit him better or he swears less, and either way, he's acting a lot better this episode.

In no way did I guess from this extremely light foreshadowing the outcome. It was not at all upheld by the various commentary we got during serving.

I am, of course, lying. As has been obvious since mid-cookery, Teams Vulture and Penguin go to the winning Judges' table, where there is very, very little commentary, but what little there is makes it obvious Andrew will be the winner. And, well, he is.

Andrew sends back the losers. A lot of people say "buhleenee" and make me twitch regularly. Do these people also say "buhluhd"? You know, like that stuff in your veins?

Anyhow, at this point, the two people on Team Bear are arguing over whose fault it is the mushrooms suck. On the one hand, Nikki made them and they probably shouldn't have been served. On the other hand, Dale was the one who cheesed them and didn't taste them. On the other hand, Nikki didn't taste them either, and she was the one who insisted on serving them to the judges even after they were crappy and cold. I personally would've sent her home, but what I personally want and what happens are rarely the same thing.

(I hear some buzzing sounds of evil and remember that Team Bear has a third member, who tries to simultaneously backstab both his teammates but who the judges rightly include in the "no tasting" accusation later after the teams are dismissed.)

Over on Team Gorilla, Stephanie completely admits that mixing the crab so early was a mistake and her fault. Valerie completely admits that making blinis early was a bad idea. Unfortunately for Antonia, the judges completely put her on the spot and make her say which dish was better, and she picks Stephanie. The judges also let us know that Valerie's blinis didn't taste so great either.

After some more discussion, which increasingly is about mushrooms, of course they send someone home for them, right? That's why it's...

Valerie. Damn. Well, that's a shame. I mean, yeah, she made a really bad choice and apparently they didn't like her ingredients to begin with, but still, I think that Nikki insisting on serving cold, yucky mushrooms to the judges, which they knew because she made a point of telling them, was a worse choice. I admit I'm not a Nikki fan anyhow but seriously, if you know the stuff looks bad, aren't even sure what it tastes like at this point, and you know it's cold enough that you don't want to serve them to the general public, why give them to the judges?

So, that's it for now. I'll put up expanded recaps in a few days.