Top Chef, "Block Party"

Top Chef Season 4 Episode 3: "Block Party"

Only about two weeks late, my overview of episode 3. On the plus side, I had a chance to confirm some facts via TWoP. Thanks, TWoP!

So, the Quickfire judge is someone named Rick Bayless, who I have never heard of, nor have I heard of his restaurants, which seems odd since they opened long before I left Chicago. I'm guessing it's because they're downtown, hidden by the other 5000 downtown restaurants I couldn't usually afford. Anyhow, he has a sort of grating voice and I think he dyes his hair, and I don't like him, but he at least seems reasonably nice, which I like better than when they have the asshole judges, but he talks too much about how visionary his upscale Mexican is, so, shut up, Bayless.

Anyhow. Quickfire: take a taco, make it upscale. I'm overall really bored with "take a thing, make it upscale" challenges, and this is no exception. Chefs tell us how tacos are street food, some of them don't get the point of making it "fine dining", which I agree with, but it's expressed in a really bad way by all of them. Jonny Fairplay "Spike" tells us he doesn't want to be someone he's not, to which I respond, then use your real name, EVANGELOS. And shut up, Spike. But apparently this means he's just going to make a really good street style taco.

Somehow, this secures him a spot in the top three, even though it was precisely not the assignment. The other top people are Richard, who made a jicama-wrapped taco-like thingie, which actually seems like a neat idea, other than I wanted him to shut up about how innovative he is. So shut up, Richard. And lastly, Andrew, who I don't really like much but who obviously knows what he's doing, and who makes a duck and plantain taco, which is probably good, if one likes plantains. Richard gets the actual win, though, which is probably fair. Spike complains, because his obviously tasted better, not that he tasted Richard's. Shut up, Spike.

The bottom three are Erik (for plating), Lisa (for undercooked steak), and Ryan (for presentation), meaning two of three are because of the way they look, because obviously that's a sin in fine dining, much more important than the taste. Shut up, Bayless. And Erik is not about fine dining Mexican or whatever. Shut up, Erik.

And for the Elimination challenge, they get to divide into teams, which, really, I'm already sick of this season. I think I read on someone's blog (Lee Anne, maybe) that team challenges are easier earlier in the season or something, but seriously, bleah.

So they drive around and use walkie-talkie thingies and text messaging to try to figure out what's going on, without a clue, which is just pointless and time-wasting and I'd much rather have seen more cooking or opinions on the food then this. Production team, please note: watching people speculate stupidly and drive around? Not interesting.

Anyhow, the upshot is: they're going to be catering a block party. There's some product placement of some web site I haven't heard of and won't mention here since it obviously isn't important. And the Big Reveal: They'll be "shopping" at people's houses! Which, of course, they cleverly disguised in the previews, which were pretty much all about them running around with shopping bags from house to house. Preview team, please note: telling us exactly what's going to happen detracts from these Big Reveals.

Anyhow. The neighborhood folk obviously were prewarned, but the chefs make some comments that make me wonder if they've considered this. Red Team calls themselves Team Sexy, haha as if, and send Ryan because he's all suave, which he isn't, and cute, which I note that a lot of people seem to think (but I'm not one of them), and think Erik would scare people or something, which really I suspect he wouldn't. I found out later what neighborhood they were in, and it's maybe a mile or two from where I lived in high school... Erik would probably fit in fine. Richard notes he's bad at schmoozing, but then doesn't do too bad, and at least there's something he doesn't think he's good at.

Spike, who obviously still thinks he's on Survivor, tries sabotaging people, and then claiming he's not sabotaging anyone. Shut up, Spike.

Anyhow, they get back and start planning their menus. Blue Team wants to take familiar food and make it a bit more upscale. Red Team wants to take familiar food and make it familiar, because we all know those plain folks have no taste. No, that's seriously the impression I got of what they thought, which will later be confirmed.

Blue Team: Richard is making paella, Lisa is making some sort of slaw, Manuel is making BBQ pulled pork, Antonia is making bean salad, Mark is making "inside out" cookies, Stephanie is making a fruit dessert with cinammon sugar wontons, and Nikki is making macaroni and cheese, because Nikki makes pasta. And they're doing some sort of citrus drink with lavender, which we'll later learn was at least partly Stephanie's idea as well, and which I bet would work quite well on a hot day. Really I wouldn't call that much of an upscale from regular block party food, including the paella (which is, after all, often done as huge batches for gatherings), despite what Richard says, so, shut up, Richard. These people don't live far from a Latino neighborhood, they've probably had paella. The most interesting things, I think, are the desserts and the drink.

Nikki is using Velveeta for her mac & cheese, which she worries won't melt well and stay melted, even though that's precisely what Velveeta is made for. And it comes out dry. I continue to wonder why she wasn't sent home already, because, frankly, screwing up Velveeta takes talent.

Red Team: Jen is making "sliders", by which she means mini-burgers, Erik is making corn dogs, and I'm already groaning because... well, I'll get to that. Dale is making pork skewers. Andrew is making sangria, which hardly seems like the work of a long time... I hope he's working on something else? Ryan is making Waldorf salad, which doesn't strike me as good summer street food. Zoi is making pasta salad, which she doesn't want to make. Spike is making taco salad. The team is making s'mores (Maybe another Andrew thing? They're to be on sticks, which strikes me as his kinda jive.), which is probably the most summery of desserts they could've picked, so it seems like a good choice. In fact, the menu is mostly pretty summer block party but I'm still iffy on that whole Waldorf salad thing, plus three salads seems overkill.

Anyhow, back to the corn dogs. Once again, they're pre-cooking and then transporting and keeping warm, so this was a horrible choice. I can't believe that one week (less for them, I imagine) after the blini thing they're already making the same mistake. Erik is worried about the transport, which shows he's at least thinking about it, but it's still a dumb idea, and... well, it has predictable results.

They show more shots of people enjoying themselves than commentary on food, of course, because it's not a cooking show or anything. Oh, but wait, it is. One thing of note is Ted asking if the sliders are steamed (which they should be; I may not like White Castle but it's the right way to make 'em, dammit), and of course, they're not. So call them burgers. Okay? I am not happy with this co-opting of the word "sliders" to mean "miniature burgers". Padma is groovin on the s'mores, but drops half of hers, haha. There's a few other comments, but not enough.

Richard notes that since Red Team is fitting in better, he thinks they probably won. Spike notes they kept it simple for the locals. Shut up, Spike. The people in that neighborhood can afford to eat out at nice places pretty easily, if they choose, and they probably do, so doubly shut up, Spike.

Judges' Table time. Padma asks for the Blue Team, and I give a little cheer, because more of the people I like are on it. Red Team immediately starts bitching. Shut up, all of you.

Tom notes it was fairly close, and that he expected a lot more out of these chefs. Frankly, from what I saw, so did I. They basically made... block party food, with very little twist. They went pretty safe. (So did Red Team.)

Nikki gets dinged on her inability to make the cheese product known for its meltiness stay melty. Richard gets dinged on his not-paella because it wasn't crusty. To be fair, ingredient-wise, it looked pretty paella-y to me but I get the point. And to his credit he admits it should have been crispier. Antonia's bean dish was good. Stephanie gets credit for the dessert and drink and that's the reason she's the winner, as that's what made Blue Team better than Red Team. (Actually I couldn't tell if it was both or if it was the drink alone, but it sounded like both.) Go, Stephanie! And send me the recipe for that dessert, okay? (Oooh, I should check Wong Way to Cook for it.)

Red Team is sent back, and after they leave, still grumbling, Blue Team breaks out the celebratory hijinx, including Mark improvising a didgerderoo, which was funny as all hell.

Padma lets the Red Team know they were weaker. Ryan says he doesn't know why. Spike thought they were way better. Shut up, Spike.

Erik gets called on the soggy corn dog, and for a moment I thought he was going to cry. It's a specialty of his in his restaurant so I can sorta get why he got the idea and all but the judges are right; it's not a transportable dish. Though now I have a taste for a good corn dog. I'm not a fan of generic corn dog but I've had some high-quality ones that I like. They're annoying to make though with my kitchen setup at least, so, I guess I'll go on wanting them.

Everyone gets dinged for "dumb-downing" the menu, which Spike (shut up Spike) and... I think Jen? Someone else, anyhow, they try to defend, because of course we all know that normal folk have unrefined palates. Ted calls them on this, noting that even if you plan simply it still should be cooked well. Tom asks if everyone tasted Zoi's pasta salad, and opines if they thought it was good, it's their palates that were at fault. Erik tries to defend Zoi because she didn't want to do it, but the judges aren't buying that.

Andrew pulls an attitude about not going home. Shut up, Andrew. With any luck, he will get dragged out by security when his time has come, though it's not gonna be this week, I'm sure. That'd be funny, though.

Red Team is sent away and the judges discuss. They feel the team condescended to the crowd, which is exactly what they did. The worst dishes: Ryan's soggy and watered down Waldorf, Erik's soggy corn dog. Ted notes it probably was great when fresh-cooked but after sitting it was not, and they should've done something else. Zoi's pasta salad was "worse than store bought". Ouch.

Out in the waiting room, Zoi is angry at herself for not speaking up about the salad; she should've said she didn't think it was a good idea and done something else. Agreed, but a little late on that, though at least she realized it earlier than some people, and didn't blame her teammates. Valerie.

Back to the table. Tom goes over what we just heard. Erik is the loser.

I'm not really surprised, nor am I surprised when everyone seems genuinely upset. He seems like a nice guy. Erik says he's going to miss people, especially Zoi, who seems like she'll especially miss him. I think they bonded over the soufflé. Erik notes he still has his restaurant and his career, so it's not the end, and he had fun. Nice words. Hopefully he won't come up with some stupid, bitter interview later. Valerie.

Next time: Well, I never saw the preview, since I watched E3 and E4 back to back, so I don't know! Only, well, I do now, but... well, it's coming.